End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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