I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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