He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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