The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
