I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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