We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
