He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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