Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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