I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
