I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
