I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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