is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
