You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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