I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
