Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
