Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
