i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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