so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he thought i was a dude.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
