Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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