Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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