i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
