you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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