So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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