It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
