I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
