so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
