I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
