i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
