About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
