Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
