4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
