I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
