We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
