I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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