Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
