just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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