Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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