At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
