she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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