rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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