I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
