Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
