my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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