Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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