My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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