we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
