he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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