I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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