It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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