Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
